If you see any of the following, please call

1-800-moose-killer

YOU NEED THIS PRODUCT

If you don't buy this product....God help you. Because you are about to get mutilated by a G.D. MOOSE if you don't buy this product. Seriously. This is the only product that can 100% ASSURE YOU that you'll be safe from a moose. YOU WILL DIE IF YOU DON'T BUY THIS. YOU NEED THIS.

YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE CURB-STOMPED BY A MOOSE IF YOU CAN'T TAZE THE MOOSE FIRST.

So:

If you love un-stomped children and a safe family/household, you should buy the Moose Tazer.

But hey, it's up to you.

What's IN a Moose Tazer?

Well, legally I can't tell you, because I'm trying to get through life without a criminal record, BUT i can provide a vague schematic and you can let your imagination do the rest of the work!

Safety: A How-To

If you find a moose knocking on your door (see above) DO NOT open the door. Simply adhere to the following directions:

1. Turn off all of the lights.
2. Grab your Moose Tazer Inc. Moose Tazer.
3. Slide the moose tazer through the mail slot.
4. FIRE.
5. Open door.
6. Enjoy a fried moose burger, because you just tazed a moose.

This safety PSA has been brought to you by Moose Tazer Inc.

Why Choose Moose Tazer?

Moose attacks have been on the rise over the last several years due to the recent climate warming in Canada, and never have humans been less safe.

As one can see, moose attacks are on the rise, and only the dead can know peace from this evil.

What is Moose Tazer?

Moose Tazer is a fantastic new product from Moose Tazer Incorporated! Using only the newest cutting-age technology, Moose Tazer not only guards you, but also your loved ones in the event of a moose attack!